A Cold Winter's Morning
by Chrissy Almasy
Summary: Postwar angsty [song]fic centered around Seifer [Of course it is! This is me]. SxS shounenai implied, deathfic. Complete.
1. Seifer's morning

It's been forever sinceI posted anything, but this is a little angsty song-death-fic I wanted to share and perhaps get some reviews on. It could be a one-shot, but it could also bethe prologue/first chapter of a multi-chap-fic. Let me know what you guys think I should do with this.

Warning: angst, blood, death(?), vague hint of shounen-ai

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, nor Keane's song "Untitled 1".

* * *

**A Cold Winter's Morning**

A series of shots tore through the early morning. While the sound ricocheted off the tiny terraced houses in the street, several bullets hit the wall in front of him, spraying dust and stone chips around as they lodged themselves in the brickwork.

_A house on fire.  
A wall of stone._

He just stood there, motionlessly, taking in what had just happened. Still, it wasn't until the others abandoned their shelter, a few houses down the road, that he realized something was off.

_A door that once was open.  
An empty face and empty bones.  
_

Irvine jumped into his field of vision, aiming his gun straight at him. Disturbing as that was, he didn't move a muscle. Something else had claimed his attention: grey eyes, guarded but ablaze with the fury of anger, drilling holes into him.

_Who ate your heart?  
You're cold inside.  
_

Several rounds flamed from the barrel of Irvine's rifle, and as he looked down at his chest, he saw there two dark stains, growing slowly. In his mouth, he made out the unique taste of blood.  
Unsure, he glanced up at Squall, hoping for some kind of explanation for what had just happened. But the steel orbs didn't waver, and stared back accusingly.

_You're not the one I hoped for._

This, more than anything else, made the true significance of the situation sink in.

_I'll see you on the other side._

A sense of bewilderment came over him just before someone turned out the light.

_I'll see you on the other side…_

…

_The wind wouldn't blow me home  
__to lie in your heart of hearts_.

When the darkness lifted, he was lying on his back. He had to be, because the only thing he could see was the clear blue sky. It looked so peaceful, so serene. It almost made him smile.  
He knew he should be in pain, if not from the bullets than at least from the freezing cold pavement. But he didn't feel anything. Nor did he hear any sounds, for that matter.

_Will I ever see you again  
and lie in your heart of hearts?  
_

The morning sun shone down on him. High above, black silhouettes of geese flying over contrasted against the deep colours of the winter sky. To be free, like them. No cares, no worries… The thought alone gave him a warm, comforting feeling. Like Matron's hands, when she'd hold him, so long ago.  
He could almost believe he felt her warm caress on his wounds, even if the last remaining rational part of his mind told him he was hallucinating. He'd been down this path before.

_Who ate your heart?  
You're cold inside._

The numbness, the silent and the peace… He'd all tasted it before, if only just once: nailed to the wall of a dark, twisted throne room occupied by a dark, twisted mind, bleeding from countless wounds and waiting for death to come.

_You're not the one I hoped for.  
_

Yes, there was no doubt about it.

_I'll see you on the other side._

He was dying.

_I'll see you on the other side…  
_

And he couldn't really care less.

_The wind wouldn't blow me home  
to lie in your heart of hearts.  
_

He thought about Squall, and the way he had looked just before the shots were fired. What would the younger man, his brother, his rival, think at seeing him lying here, dead save for dying? Probably nothing… Or had there been more behind that guarded mask than he could see? The thought made his heart leap with hope, but his mind resisted even the idea of contemplating the answer to that question.

_Will I ever see you again  
_

He'd never have to worry about or for Squall again. He'd never have to feel that scalding side of love again, or live with the scars it left behind.

The game was over for him, this time for real. And he welcomed it.

_and lie in your heart of hearts_?

He could feel death's touch now, a warm hand caressing his face. It surprised him, if pleasantly. He hadn't expected death to be so gentle. But now the tender strokes took the last of his doubt away, he tacitly gave in.

And as the blue sky turned black, a smile played on his lips.

* * *

Your opinion, please?


	2. Squall's evening

Matron Raenee, you got your wish. Well, sort of  
Since I finally decided against my original plan to make this a longer multi-chap fic, this second chapter is also the final chapter.

WARNING for the faint of heart: SxS shonenai implied, but only very much between the lines.

And since chap 1 was a songfic, so is this one. The lyrics are from The Offspring's _Gone Away_. (I don't own them, and don't cash in on them either, so don't sue.)

Please R&R!

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**_Squall's Evening_**

He leaned heavily against the window pane. It was getting dark outside, but that didn't keep him from staring out at the calm sea as it slowly rippled past Garden's bow. Tonight was a dark night anyhow. As dark as the blood that stained his clothes.

_Maybe in another life _

_I could find you there _

He hadn't bothered to change, or take a shower. It would feel as if doing so would wash away the gravity of today's events, as well as his grief.

_Pulled away before your time _

Seifer Almasy was dead.

_I can't deal it's so unfair _

And he hadn't been able to do anything about it.

_And it feels _

Oh, he was practical enough not to go blame himself in terms of 'if only I had moved a second sooner', or the like. He hadn't moved sooner, but Seifer had been still alive when he had reached his side. He had cast all healing and restoring magic he had at his disposal. But it wasn't enough. Despite all his efforts, it hadn't been enough.

_And it feels like _

_Heaven's so far away _

He hadn't been enough.

_And it feels _

_Yeah it feels like _

_The world has grown cold _

And perhaps that was what stung the most.

_Now that you've gone away_

The door of his office opened, but he didn't look up to see who it was. He could sense it wasn't Rinoa, which was just as well. Right now he didn't want to see anyone but those who could give him an answer. And one of them was dead.

_Leaving flowers on your grave _

_Show that I still care _

"I figured I'd find you here," Irvine began quietly. "Rinoa and the others've been wanting to see you, but I told her no…. Em, I just came to tell you I called Matron just now."

Unexpectedly for both of them, Squall replied.

"How'd she take it?"

"In tears, of course. Regardless of what anyone said about him, she never stopped seeing him as her son. But she did think that maybe…maybe Seifer would be happier this way."

_But black roses and Hail Mary's _

_Can't bring back what's taken from me _

Squall's head snapped around to look the cowboy in the eye. "And what was that supposed to mean?" he demanded.

Irvine sighed. "Nothing more than that he's had a hard time since the war's over. He was never truly accepted back. Well, he never really accepted himself in the first place."

_I reach to the sky _

Nodding, the seed Commander turned his head back and recommenced staring at the sea. "True. I don't think he ever forgave himself." He huffed. "Leave it to Seifer to punish himself harder than anyone else ever could."

_And call out your name_

"He was never anyone to do anything half."

_And if I could trade _

_I would_

Squall bit his lip, forcing back tears he didn't want to acknowledge. Crying would be admitting to the fact that Seifer wasn't coming back, and that he'd missed his chance of ever gaining the cocky blonde's friendship and trust.

_And it feels _

If he had succeeded in that already, Seifer would have trusted him to save his life…

_And it feels like _

_Heaven's so far away_

Irvine crouched down. He could only watch his Commander and friend slowly sink to the floor, trying not to give in to his emotions and failing miserably. There was no comfort in words or gestures. There was only the gaping void left behind by someone you cared about.

_And it stings _

_Yeah it stings now _

"It…it was easier the first time…" Squall finally whispered between dry sobs. "When we were told he'd been executed by the Galbadians. I was just angry then, but now…"

"I know…" Irvine sighed quietly. "I still can't get over the fact we missed that gunman hiding in one of the houses when we sweeped the street. Seifer called the 'all clear' no less. He had his back turned when that guy came up. I don't think he even knew what hit him. But I…" He swallowed hard. "If I had shot that guy sooner, he might not have had the time to fire his gun and…"

_The world is so cold _

Squall gave his friend a stern look. "There are no 'if's, Irvine. We did our job, but everyone makes mistakes. The problem was not the gunman or us not seeing him before he shot Seifer in the back, or even the wounds he inflicted. The problem was that…"

Irvine looked at Squall's sad eyes as his voice trailed off. The truth hung between them, but was left unspoken.

_Now that you've gone away_

The truth was that it wasn't that Seifer couldn't have survived.

The truth was that he hadn't _wanted _to survive. He'd done what no one had expected he'd ever do. Seifer Almasy had given up.

_Gone away_

His lips trembling and with tears in his eyes, Squall looked up at Irvine. "Do you… do you think he heard anything of what I said to him, before he passed…out?"

_Gone away…_

"I really don't know Squall. But I hope he did," the other man answered solemnly. "Everyone deserves to know that there is someone who loves them."

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Please be sure to let me know what you think! Flames only welcome ifwell-founded. (For the record: 'This sucks' does not count as well-founded) 


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